What about you?
NARRATOR: Welcome viewer! Is this your first time at Ethos? Well, in that case, maybe I should introduce you to some of the people who work here.
NARRATOR: Oh, look! Alice and Bob, two of the very best and brightest.
(fade in)
NARRATOR: Two of the brightest, anyway. Top 50%, at least. Top 80% maybe. Not the worst, for sure. Not the worst.
NARRATOR: Never mind that. Here are Alice and Bob, people. And what is this, office chatter? Let's listen in!
(background office noise fades in)
ALICE: Hi Bob. Did you get that e-mail?
BOB: Ah no, Sorry.
ALICE: How come?
BOB: I clicked on a dodgy link and now the IT department have locked my account!
ALICE: Bloody IT. They always get in the way.
NARRATOR: Oh dear, perhaps this isn't a good time.
(fade out)
-- Later --
NARRATOR: This is better. Social interaction between employees! It looks like there is a party and Alice is about to invite Bob.
ALICE: Coming out tonight, Bob?
BOB: No, I can't. I can't get any cash out.
ALICE: What happened?
BOB: My debit card has been blocked by the bank.
ALICE: Oh no. Sounds serious.
BOB: Stupid bank. Someone used my card details overseas and they blocked it. I don't know why they couldn't just stop the thief and let me get on with things.
NARRATOR: Poor Bob. Such bad luck. At least he's good at his job. I think. Let's see. (pages rustle)
NARRATOR: Punctual. He's always on-time. That's what I meant. Good old punctual Bob. Let's leave him to his banking problems for now. We're probably violating GDPR already, eh? Maybe he'll have a better day tomorrow.
-- Next day --
NARRATOR: Ah, yes. Here we find Bob being assertive with the scoundrels in whatever IT is.
BOB: (On the phone to IT) Argh! You morons! Where are my files?
PHONE: ...mumble...
BOB: I don't know what ransomware is, and I didn't install it! I just need my files! (slams phone)
ALICE: Everything OK?
BOB: Now they've lost my files!
ALICE: How come?
BOB: Some sort of cyber worm virus, apparently. They tried to blame me, but the only thing I've ever installed is Bongo Buddy.
ALICE: Bongo Buddy?
BOB: Oh, it's awesome. It's a friendly little creature that lives on your screen and follows your mouse around. Sometimes it tells you about on-line deals, too. ALICE: Oh, that sounds nice!
BOB: I'll send you a link.
ALICE: Brilliant, thanks Bob.
NARRATOR: Well, that went well. I'm sure there will be no worrying repercussions from this at all.
-- Later --
NARRATOR: The IT people don't seem to have responded well to Bob's tone. But Bob, our plucky hero, has a plan!
BOB: (on the phone to Alice) Alice, can you log in to my account on your machine?
ALICE: Why, what do you need?
BOB: There might be a copy of the report I need on the network drive.
ALICE: Oh, yes, of course. What's your password?
BOB: I can't remember. It's on the post-it note on my monitor.
ALICE: Got it! I'll let you know if I can find the report.
BOB: Great! Thanks! Can you e-mail it to my personal account megacoolbob69@geocities.com? I'm still locked out of my work account.
NARRATOR: And there we have it. Bob foils the evil worm and confounds the minions of IT by using Shadow IT, which I can only assume is some sort of dark wizardry and is perhaps the explanation for why we keep Bob on our books. It's not his choice of tie or his ability to add up columns of digits, I can assure you.
(fade out)
Social Engineering
NARRATOR:What better than a social gathering to get to know one's peers? And here we can see someone trying to get to know Bob in quite some detail!
-- In the Club --
CLAIRE:(Sees Bob, boogies over lasciviously)
BOB: (Visibly notices, primps and then starts laying down his best dance moves)
CLAIRE:Hey, baby. Do you come here often?
BOB: Sometimes.
CLAIRE:You can really move. What's your name, sugar?
BOB: Bob. But you can call me, er, Bob.
(Split screen - laptop open with bank website open, someone quickly types "Robert" into first name box)
CLAIRE:Oh no, someone with such... individual... dance moves can't be known as "Bob". How about we call you "the Fabulous Mr. ... er" what was your surname?
BOB: Roberts.
(Split screen - Surname entered)
CLAIRE:Much better, Mr. Roberts. But, oh you must have a stage name!
BOB: Pardon?
CLAIRE:With those moves, that body, I just assumed you were an exotic dancer. No? Let's make one!
BOB: (Turns up the moves to 11)
CLAIRE:I'm Robin Yadata.
BOB: (Stops dancing) Pardon?
CLAIRE:My dancer name. My mother's maiden name was Yadata and my first pet was a turtle named Robin. Now you!
BOB: (Mollified, continues dancing) Ahh, I see. So that makes me Dumbo Rube.
(Split screen - first pet and mother's maiden name entered)
CLAIRE:Oh, no that doesn't have the right ring to it. What about your street name?
BOB: Tweezy Street?
CLAIRE:Seriously? My friend lives there! Which number?
BOB: Seven.
(Split screen - street address entered)
CLAIRE:Oh, she lives at the other end. Never mind. Still, Tweezy sounds good. What was your primary school name?
BOB: It's a bit of an odd one.
CLAIRE:Go on.
BOB: It was called "Tadupe".
CLAIRE:No, that's great! It makes you "Tweezy Tadupe". Very exotic. So, Mr. Roberts, AKA Tweezy Tadupe... (leans toward Bob)
(Split screen - first school entered - last field is phone number)
BOB: Yes?
CLAIRE:Can I get your number?
(fade out)
Phishing
NARRATOR: Have you ever been fishing? It's a fascinating pass-time. Although it looks rather boring and just a matter of waiting for the dumbest fish to take the bait, it's actually a rather exciting struggle between the lure manufacturer and the fish's instincts. To catch the smartest fish, you need the most convincing lure...
(fade in)
BOB: Alice, can you look after this folder for me?
ALICE: OK, Bob. What's in it?
BOB: Plans for the new Ethos3000.
ALICE: Blimey Bob! That's the replacement for our industry-leading Ethos2000, with most of the features of the EthosLight and EthosPro thrown in, right?
BOB: Exactly, and everyone knows what those things are and how valuable the contents of that folder are.
ALICE: I'm sure they do, Bob. Definitely no need to explicitly describe any of those terms at all.
BOB: Just don't let anyone get hold of it. We have competitors that would do anything to get their hands on the contents of that folder.
ALICE: I'm not an idiot Bob.
BOB: I know, I know. That's why I am trusting you. Sometimes I think we're the only two with any sense here.
ALICE: Tell me about it.
-- Later --
(Dave walks up to Alice. He wears a nametag for a competitor organisation...)
DAVE: Can I have that folder please?
ALICE: No! What kind of idiot do you think I am?
(cut to checklist with heading "Types of idiot" and a list of types underneath. Someone crosses out 'Humungous Idiot')
-- Later still --
DAVE: (Now has competitor name on badge crossed out and Ethos crayoned in) Hi Colleague! Can I have that folder?
ALICE: (Moves to hand over the folder, then stops) Wait, who are you? Why should I give you this? I'm not a complete idiot!
(someone crosses out 'complete idiot' on the sheet)
-- Another time --
DAVE: (Now in a suit, with a decent-looking Ethos badge, walks past someone's desk and looks at the name card, reads "Godfrey")
DAVE: (Walks over to Alice's desk, notes her name card too)
DAVE: (In imposing voice) Ah, Alice! I've been looking everywhere for you! Godfrey is supposed to have the Ethos3000 file for a meeting that started 15 minutes ago! Godfrey sent me to get it immediately! Hand it over, quickly!
ALICE: (Starts to hand over the file...) Wait... Godfrey? Godfrey Sherman, the cleaner? But he only has a desk because he demands the same access to Minesweeper as the rest of us! He shouldn't be having access to the Ethos300 file!
-- Later Still --
DAVE: (Sits at a computer and pulls up "companies house", types ETHOS, finds info on CEO, (who - ask Dan))
DAVE: (Picks up phone)
DAVE: (In falsetto) Oh, hello! This is Alice's mum. She's been feeling a little ill and I just wanted to let her manager know she won't be in.
PHONE: (mumble)
DAVE: Er, she has a cold. A bad cold. And various ailments. I really wanted to speak to her manager myself, could you tell me their name?
PHONE: (mumble)
DAVE: Edward? Thank you!
(puts down phone, dials again)
ALICE: (as if repeating something for the nth time) Hello, this is Ethos, your source for (ask Dan - what does Ethos do?), Alice speaking, how can I help you?
DAVE: Alice! This is Edward. (hears mumble) Yes, it's me. I've got a cold. (mumble) Accent? Och, wheeel, it's ma sinuses, lass. A gets all bunged up, ye ken? An all o' a sudden I dinnae have ma accent. Anyhoo, I need the Ethos3000 folder. I'm meeting with (CEO name) in an hour. I'll send someone to collect it, OK?
--- More laterer ---
DAVE: (Now in a suit, proper name-badge) Alice? Alice! Quickly, pass me the folder, I need to get it to Edward as soon as possible.
ALICE: But... didn't you... haven't I...?
DAVE: Stop wasting time! (CEO name) is getting fed up with waiting!
ALICE: OK, here it is, but please make sure it comes back as soon as you're done!
DAVE: Mwuahahaha, cough, I mean: Yes, of course! (runs out)
(Someone ticks the box next to "gullible idiot" on the sheet)
GDPR
NARRATOR: Information! Data! Knowledge! The most valuable thing humans produce. Why, if it weren't for the data we collect about you, how could we possibly make sure you know what to buy, or how to vote? Imagine if you all just decided these things on a whim, without the gentle hand of the Ethos Corporation guiding you. Scary thought, isn't it?
(A presentation screen behind Edward says "Ethos Cover, Protecting Us and You from Them")
EDWARD:And there you have it, the new Ethos Cover service, providing our customers with insurance for all Ethos products. And the best bit, is that it's all based on our new AI algorithms so people pay based on their carefully calculated risk. Any questions?
Audience member 1: Sounds great! So how much would cover cost me?
EDWARD:Well, (looks at paper) looking at the invite list, I see you are Florence, a 38 year-old bisexual grand-daughter of an immigrant, with two children, a cat and no current partner. You live in a slightly deprived area, but earn just above the average income. You like sunsets and gin. You once got to level 18 in Tetris, but gave up due to it being repetitive. Your neighbour has an alcohol problem and recently bought a new rug, which you have yet to see but did promise him you would take a look even though you don't intend to go around there again after that time he drank half a bottle of scotch, yelled "watch this" and did a dance that you thought are sure would be illegal in some parts of the world. So, I'd say it would cost you about £12.75 a month.
Audience member 2: What about me?
EDWARD:(checks list) OK, Reginald, is it? Let's see. White, straight male... £1.50.
Audience member 2: Well, that sounds reasonable.
EDWARD:Wait! I missed this: you once rented Die Hard 3 on VHS, forgot to watch it, took it back, paid late fines and then re-hired it? That shows carelessness and a shocking lack of forward planning. £9.80
Audience member 2: Damn it!
EDWARD:Swearing in a formal setting? Make that £10.30
Worms and Viruses
NARRATOR: Ah, you're back! I've been reading about those wonderful computer systems that the employees here seem to use so often.
(fade in - office scene, no people, computer on each of two desks)
NARRATOR: Look, that one there has a "worm", and the other a "virus".
NARRATOR: Hmmm. Not much to look at, though. Let's see if we can make it a little more visible.
(a red wormy icon appears over one PC, a green virus over the other - see sketch)
NARRATOR: The worm can move all on its own. It looks for new places to spread to and then sends a copy. Watch!
(worm icon divides and inches along toward the other PCs, cascading outwards. Pull back and see a map of buildings, with worms moving out to them from the Ethos building. Pull back further to a map of the UK, with copies of the worm inching its way from a central point)
NARRATOR: Of course, that's not to scale and, in fact, the worm is really just a program that is propagating itself. You shouldn't be able to see giant pink worms roaming around the country.
(cut to man in kitchen with fridge open, reaching in for a bottle)
NARRATOR: Unless you drank the Advocaat from the back of the fridge that was put in there the Christmas before last.
(man drinks from the bottle)
NARRATOR: Then, you might well see giant pink worms but updating your antivirus won't help with that situation, I can tell you!
(man's pupils do interesting things, mouth hangs open. He then keels over)
(back to the office)
(Bob enters, sits at the computer that has a virus)
(Alice enters, sits at an ininfected PC)
ALICE: Right, down to work!
BOB: About time, I've been here hours.
ALICE: Aiming for a promotion? Well, I'll put in a good word for you if you can e-mail me your last report so I can copy out the good bits to go in the one I need to have done in the next, oh, 20 minutes? Please?
BOB: Fine, no problem. Just make sure you change some of the words, OK?
ALICE: Of course, just like Uni!
BOB: You went to Uni?
ALICE: Oh, yeah, it was great!
BOB: What did you graduate with?
ALICE: I never made it, I got kicked out for cheating.
(bob clicks away at his PC)
BOB: OK, e-mail on it's way.
(a document icon appears above Bob's PC, which is then quickly joined by a duplicate of the virus icon (splits and moves?))
(document, with virus, moves slowly over to Alice's PC)
(time passes - clocks spin?, fade out and in? light moves?)
(Felicuty Enters)
FELICITY: Alice! Have you got that report? I need it now!
ALICE: Oh, yes Felicity. Just finished.
FELICITY: Thank goodness. Please copy it on to my USB drive so I can head over to the client now.
ALICE: Of course!
(Alice accepts the drive, connects it, a document moves over to the drive, along with another clone of the virus)
(Outside the building, felicity walks to her car, virus icon following her)
(zoom out to super simplistic map with just two buildings, Ethos, and another (Pathos?). Ethos has virus icons all over it. Car moves from one to the other, with a virus icon above it. When it arrives, the icon goes into the building and then more start popping up all over it.)
(fade out)
NARRATOR: Well, wasn't that interesting?